Blog Post

Grief of Narcissists

Grief of Narcissists

Part 1:

In my book, Death Expands Us, Chapter 8, Navigating Grieving Family and Friends, I offer insights and strategies on how to engage with others during times of grief.

As I mentioned in other recent blogs, this year has provided many of us with plenty of opportunities to learn discernment and thus to figure out what works for us and what doesn’t work.

Often, when talking to others about our self-discovery journeys, we label it as “the never-ending mountain” because it can feel as though we keep revisiting things we thought we had already “dealt” with.

Recently, I have come to learn something new, which helped me make sense of this. We are given challenges / obstacles to learn something new we weren’t aware of before, and at other times, these challenges / obstacles can be opportunities for us to practice these new lessons we have learnt and thus help us to anchor in these new changes we have made along our journey.

This is how we forge a new pathway. Taking what we have learnt and practicing it, so it becomes our new ways of being.

At the beginning of this year, something that I become aware of was what narcissists are and how many I was actually surrounded by.

Not only this, but also the grief and stress I was allowing them to contribute towards my life.

And something even more eye-opening I also learnt about is what is called a spiritual narcissist. Basically, next level narcissists!
They are the narcissists that aren’t as obvious because how they operate is more on an energetic or spiritual level. Those people that are on a self-development journey, however, during your interactions with them, you just know at a gut level what they are trying to do towards you. Generally, others may not “visually” see them do it towards you, but it’s easy to feel their ill intentions and actions.

I am not sure how to articulate that experience into effective words, but I’m sure by reading this, it will make plenty of sense to you as so many of us have experienced it in our lives.

“A person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves. “narcissists who think the world revolves around them”

I would like to share with you some traits or characteristics of a narcissist I have discovered or come to learn this year:

• Gradually make comments or actions that try and make you feel “bad” about yourself, demeaning / degrading comments, always trying to point out the “not so good” about you
• It’s always you that’s wrong, never them – with words such as “you are overreacting” or “you’re making a big deal out of nothing” used
• No responsibility on their part; it’s always everyone else
• It’s all about them – you are only useful or valuable to their life if there is something they need or want from you
• More often than not, you are traveling to see them; you only hear from them when you have something they want, etc
• Narcissists will make sure you know that you owe them, which is why it’s hard to ask for help or find yourself not asking for help as you don’t want to “owe” anyone
• No one is as good as them, they are good at everything, listen out for how they talk about how others do things and then how they do it BETTER
• They are charming, delightful even charismatic in front of others or group settings. But, alone / one on one with them, it’s a different story
• Controlling, excessively so

Next week, in Part 2, I will share with you a common feeling once you start to see who the narcissists are in your life and (I have heard 1 out of 10 people are narcissists) things I have been implementing for myself to navigate narcissists and the grief / stress they contribute when engaging with them.

If you enjoyed this blog, please recommend it or share it to help others find it. Also, click “respond” and let me know ways you can relate or ways you have eased grief personally.