Blog Post

Grief of Control

Grief of Control

When we are young, small children and things happen in our lives considered cruel, harsh, traumatic, etc. as we are still very young and our life experiences and emotional / mental functioning is still growing, when treated a certain way as children, we need to explain that mistreatment / situation and why that occurred to us.

Especially when that treatment comes from family or those closest to us, that as young children we look up to and trust.

If these treatments or situations keep occurring when we are young that involve cruelty, bullying, mistreatment or worse yet from narcissists, over time, as a means of coping, we can step into a mind that needs to understand all the time.

A young mind that must make sense of these harsh realities of life. Especially when it is from those that we perceive in the maternal roles, that as young children we want them to protect and keep us safe because we are not yet old enough to do this for ourselves.

When a young child steps more and more into their mind and disconnects from their heart, often as a means of survival or coping from what is occurring around them, they put their guard up.

Once in adulthood, if along our journey we begin to see, experience and learn that it is no longer necessary to have our guard up, that we need not protect ourselves so much anymore because we are no longer children; we are now adults and better equipped to take care of ourselves.

That we do not NEED to control everything in our lives to feel safe and secure, that which we may have lacked as children.

Especially if you grew up in a very controlling family environment. As a child perhaps trying to make sense of it all developing feelings of not being good enough, that others were in control of your well being and welfare (fare as in money – experiencing any pennies dropping around your financial circumstances as an adult?)

A “side effect” of growing up in a very controlling family environment is we were constantly around controlling people and as young impressionable children, may have become easily controlled. As a young child, we trusted them; we didn’t have the capacity to know better.

As adults, we know different, and now we have a choice.

Now we can let our guard down and relearn how to relinquish our NEED to be in control because we are in control. You are the only one choosing how to live your life, thus you are in control.

As I wrote about in my blog, Heart Imprisoning Grief, when we put our guard up, we see it as a means of stopping / preventing anything from hurting us again. However, this wall / barrier we put up also stops that which is good, wonderful, new, etc. from reaching us.

It doesn’t allow us to bring in that we are deserving of good things.

Our sense of self, an environment of being controlled, becomes a mental issue of thinking.  We become mind dominant to make sense of what is protecting our heart and physical bodies. We control our mind to protect our heart. We become too mentalised.

When we control our self with our mind, we lose flow of heart, gut, etc. and thus it will be challenging to become abundant in life.

Learning we can speak, that we can be assertive without being aggressive.

That we can speak and be heard, even if you must repeat yourself (you may experience some resistance initially to your new boundaries and self-worth, especially from narcissists, so you may repeat, stay strong and keep going).

The freedom you can experience from the choice to relinquish the NEED for control, you will thank yourself later for taking that road to release that wall you built up as a child, which no longer serves. Allow the wonderful to flow towards you now.

If you enjoyed this blog, please recommend it or share it to help others find it. Also, click “respond” and let me know ways you can relate or ways you have eased grief personally.