Blog Post

Grief Identity

Grief Identity

Following on from my last blog, The Grief of Evolution, today while I was on Facebook, I noticed a video shared by two of my contacts, of Russell Brand talking about the 12 steps from his book.

In this video, he shared a lot of wisdom of experience, however, what stood out for me were “none of us need to live in a pain-based identity anymore”.

A few of my clients shared how when they lost their loved one, varying grief groups were recommended to them as a means of ongoing support. They were helpful at first, however, later would find themselves at different stages to others in the groups.

Sometimes, walking away feeling frustrated or even drained from those in the group that may still be experiencing pain, anger, hurt, etc. (perhaps not as uplifted yet as they had progressed to)

Other people I spoke to while compiling my book, Death Expands Us, shared that they intentionally joined groups that had nothing to do with grief as they didn’t want to keep identifying with that situation.

Which takes me back to the wording “none of us need to live in a pain based identity anymore”.

At what point along our grief / trauma journey is it okay to say, that happened, yes it was hard, however, it’s in the past and I don’t want that to be my identity forever.

I guess awareness is the biggest key. Denial serves its own purpose (safe or familiar state to be in), however, deep down we all know when it’s run its course.

So when the time comes for you, when you are ready to no longer need / want to live in a pain based identity anymore, here are some points to consider:
Be honest with yourself
• Self responsibility
• Change is possible
• If nothing else, you have choice
• As the saying goes, keep doing what you are doing, keep getting what you are getting
• It may be uncomfortable or even painful as you move away from that pain-based identity, however, we cannot know what’s possible if we remain in the same place

Reading this blog, is there anything coming up for you that makes you question any pain based identities you may still resonate with?

If you enjoyed this blog, please recommend it or share it to help others find it. Also, click “respond” and let me know ways you can relate or ways you have eased grief personally.